John 4:18 – The one you have now is not your husband: Living together doesn’t constitute marriage.
In Genesis 2:24 – God spoke through Adam the day he met Eve. He said, “For this reason – for marriage – a man should leave his Father and Mother and shall cleave to his Wife (not girlfriend). And they shall be one flesh.”
Right from the beginning, God clearly established the principle: no merging before marriage. Do not merge bodies, finances, or addresses before marriage. So living together before marriage is sin, and it can harm your future marriage.
MARITAL HAPPINESS & TRUST
Married adults have higher levels of relationship satisfaction and trust than those who were living together before marriage.
Journal of Marriage and Family says couples who live together before marriage are 46% more likely to divorce. So living together to test a relationship does not improve your chances of marital happiness later; it reduces them.
DR. A PATRICK SCHNEIDER’S ANALYSIS
Dr. A. Patrick Schneider did a statistical analysis in America using several academic resources, and these were his conclusions:
1) He found that relationships can be unstable in cohabitation. One out of six cohabiting couples stay together for more than three years, and one out of 10 survive for more than three years.
2) He also found that cohabiting women are left with the responsibility of marriage, particularly when it comes to caring for children without legal protection and a lot of time without financial support.
3) Poverty rates are higher among cohabitators. Those who share a home and never marry have 78% less wealth than those who are continuously married.
4) Those who may suffer the most from cohabitation relationships are children. Poverty rates among the children of cohabiting couples are 5 times greater than among the children in married couple households.
5) Children ages 12-17 among the cohabiting couple exhibit emotional and behavioral problems and are 220% more likely to be expelled from school.
LIVING TOGETHER DEVALUES WOMEN
Dr. Patrick found that cohabiting women are left with responsibility for the relationship, particularly when caring for children without legal protection and for long periods without financial support.
Women bring more to the relationship, so to speak. More work, more effort, but they get less satisfaction, relational commitment, and security.
Men tend to be drawn to a woman’s physical appearance, which changes with time. Women are drawn to men’s power and resources, which tend to increase. Without a marriage covenant, a man may feel free to leave at any time. Cohabitation can be harmful to women’s well-being. Marriage can provide the safety net the relationship needs, grounding both people in an institution that offers more security for women and more stability for men.
Marriage is a very pro-woman institution, but cohabitation can devalue women.
SUMMARY:
1 – It is a sin to live together before marriage, as discussed in our previous episode.
2 – The statistics are against you.
3 – Men may be more likely to cheat because there’s no commitment attached.
4 – It devalues women.
5 – Children suffer the most.
So if you’re in a live-in relationship and listening to this message, my motive isn’t to guilt-trip you or condemn you, but to help you return to God’s ways, which will lead you to the best marriage possible.
TWO THINGS YOU CAN DO IF YOU ARE COHABITING:
1) Find separate living quarters and stop having sex until you get married.
2) Get married quickly and have a formal wedding later. This option is mainly for people who live together and have children together. Their lives are so intertwined, but they are not married.
Don’t postpone this by saying you are saving up for a fancy wedding. You are living in sin. It is better to marry now and have a formal ceremony later. Be blessed!
